Wednesday, October 16, 2019
A Friend Indeed
Often you can count on certain things in life and for guys I know it is different than girls. That said I always thought I would have certain friendships in my life. You know those certain people you always see playing a role in your life, well into old age. The fact is I always tried to pride myself in being a great friend. Anytime, anyplace and anything needed I wanted to be there and be a real stand up guy. I honestly wanted to be a friend I would want. Specifically being this way to someone I considered a best friend. You know the one or two people in your life that you could always count on no matter what. Day in and day out life would happen, yet these people could always be counted on no matter what. Well, I am not sure exactly what happened though I know some of what happened and I would love to say I did something really bad or drastic. In all honesty, it did not go down that way. Which may have made it worse. I would have liked that to be the case as it makes it more acceptable. No, one day it was like your talking and realize hey wait nobody is listening? What the what? Now I would be remiss if there was not an admission of guilt on their part because there was and sort of an apology though it did not bear any real weight as no real action followed. Even writing this I feel like a weakling like guys don't admit to being hurt by other guys. Though that is exactly what happened and what makes it all the worse is I don't think the BFF really sees or even thinks about the gravity of the abandonment and despair they caused. Truth be told the BFF was going through a major issue himself and I did not want to add any additional weight to the already heavy situation. That was then and this is now, almost two years later and while I was feeling a bit of release it seems like this cycle of pain that comes as the result of a trigger continues. Sometimes it is a photo or memory that pops up, more often though it is someone texting or sharing something that puts the pain right at ground zero. Now the struggle is not in making friends as that is something I don't really have a hard time with. I think the real struggle is intimacy, trust, and transparency. For men getting to a point where you can be completely transparent is tough and takes a long time. Starting over is dreadful and not something that can happen in a short time span. This, in turn, causes a feeling of being stuck on an island oasis with no hope of rescue. You don't want to think about being open to the same degree with anyone else again for fear of it happening again as well as the possibility of rejection or ridicule. Reality is you don't know how someone else will react if they know your story. Therein lies the struggle, do you keep a wall up the rest of your life and die with no other real close relationships outside your spouse? Of course not, but is sucks starting over and I know the reality is there is hope in my Lord and Savior who vindicates and is the one true friend who knows the real me warts and all!
Thursday, August 29, 2019
Fallen Leaders Fallen Faith
The more you look and the longer you are alive the more you see the truth of the saying, "Power tends to corrupt, and absolute power corrupts absolutely. Great men are almost always bad men...," by John Dalberg-Acton. I think it is no coincidence he is speaking about the Church when he says this. I was saddened today when I discovered another Pastor I was fond of and followed fell to corruption. While disappointing it was not surprising as his rise to religious stardom was rather quick and he started to associate with groups that support independence over accountability. This theme is one that continues to plague the church today and while it would be easy to blame the individual, I don't. I know what you're thinking why wouldn't you blame the person, the adult, the leader, the one responsible. The key term there is responsible. One of the things I learned early on in leadership is that everyone wants rights, but rarely does anyone want the responsibility that comes with "said" right. It is a human paradox, to say the least, starting at childhood we want the right to do what we want, rarely are we taught that with each right comes a responsibility. Amazingly, I would assume with age would come this realization naturally. This too has proven not to be the case. You see there is another saying "that ignorance is bliss." For many this is the choice they make, day in and day out.
I know this is kind of a contradiction to the whole theory of faith, to begin with. You see it is easy to make justifications for one's well being in lieu of standing up for what is true and right. When the stakes are in front of us and they are defined by standing up to a leader or "the leader" many times individuals hide behind things prevalent to church life. First, is the most prevalent and that is "respect" as in they are a "respected" leader I can't oppose them. They helped me get my start in ministry how can I oppose them, that would be a betrayal like Judas! I have known them my whole life, they would never do that. I trust them like my own family, how could they ever betray that trust. Second, very common to the church is the improper usage of Bible text to excuse, look past, minimize or allow for something to happen. One of the most common of these is "Who can lay a hand on the Lord's anointed and be guiltless?" (1 Samuel 26:9, NIV). Of course, this does not take into account all the scripture relating to the "responsibility" of the leaders to care for and serve others and not themselves. This is why I never allow for a single scripture to be presented as evidence. You wouldn't see a court of Law say, "Hitler was a good man he said, "The state must declare the child to be the most precious treasure of the people." Of course, this was followed by why the protection of children can be used to deceive Jewish parents, but that one sentence alone is of good sentiment. Finally, the leaders themselves are just cowards, afraid of the ramifications of standing up to anyone. This is a real fear and can have real consequences that may not end favorably. The Bible too speaks to this and shows often times that the justice of God may not be realized. There are many Biblical stories that do not end with, "they all lived happily ever after," like a Disney movie. Being a leader is a position of power and control, giving that control to God is hard for anyone this includes leaders as well. They feel the pressure of a family, the community and friends to look a blind eye or make justification and move on. Hoping things will work themselves out! Again the scripture says in Luke 8:16-18 NIV, "16 “No one lights a lamp and hides it in a clay jar or puts it under a bed. Instead, they put it on a stand, so that those who come in can see the light.17 For there is nothing hidden that will not be disclosed, and nothing concealed that will not be known or brought out into the open.18 Therefore consider carefully how you listen. Whoever has will be given more; whoever does not have, even what they think they have will be taken from them.”"
Going back to my original statement about not blaming the leader in this case. I think it is true they are at fault no doubt. The blame for it happening falls on leadership in this case and all cases. I see it time and time again. Leaders are not leaders if they are not willing to lead and lead effectively. Being a leader puts you in a place with many rights and all those rights come with great responsibility. This responsibility is to protect the leader and the followers. While the leader gets hurt in every instance, so do the followers. The truth is almost all of the situations could have been prevented had leadership done their job on the front side. One of the key areas I see leadership fail is structure. They don't look at the structure to ensure there are accountability and transparency being practiced regularly. Leaders just assume because there are By-Laws they must be right. Because there are policies in place they must be correct. This is where failure meets leadership in every instance. The leadership has to recognize some key things if they are going to stop history from repeating itself. First, don't allow the leader to be supreme, they have to answer to someone and on a regular basis not just in writing. They must have the ability to be fired, no matter how much blood sweat and tears they have put into the organization. In our society today we see all these corrupt people using their power to manipulate the system. They are doing so because the world's system is flawed. Stop looking to man and start looking to God. The scripture is very clear that leaders must make it hard for His anointed to stumble. So many times I read these stories and see these failings and think, what leadership allowed the Pastor to meet alone with women behind closed doors? How naive can leadership be? Obviously, very! Regardless, at the end of the day, there is nothing 100% and I get that. Though it can be close. Taking every precaution to prevent it on the front side is far better than having to deal with the ramifications on the backside. This is something I get to deal with far too often being in the midst of large scale ministry. Coming from the bowels of leadership dysfunction, I operated in a very unhealthy hope deferred environment for far too long. Seeing healthy functioning ministry is a breath of fresh air and an opportunity to help others learn from past mistakes. I hope you take the time to look at what your part of and have the strength to stand up to the Devil's opportunities at destroying it!
Blessings!
B
I know this is kind of a contradiction to the whole theory of faith, to begin with. You see it is easy to make justifications for one's well being in lieu of standing up for what is true and right. When the stakes are in front of us and they are defined by standing up to a leader or "the leader" many times individuals hide behind things prevalent to church life. First, is the most prevalent and that is "respect" as in they are a "respected" leader I can't oppose them. They helped me get my start in ministry how can I oppose them, that would be a betrayal like Judas! I have known them my whole life, they would never do that. I trust them like my own family, how could they ever betray that trust. Second, very common to the church is the improper usage of Bible text to excuse, look past, minimize or allow for something to happen. One of the most common of these is "Who can lay a hand on the Lord's anointed and be guiltless?" (1 Samuel 26:9, NIV). Of course, this does not take into account all the scripture relating to the "responsibility" of the leaders to care for and serve others and not themselves. This is why I never allow for a single scripture to be presented as evidence. You wouldn't see a court of Law say, "Hitler was a good man he said, "The state must declare the child to be the most precious treasure of the people." Of course, this was followed by why the protection of children can be used to deceive Jewish parents, but that one sentence alone is of good sentiment. Finally, the leaders themselves are just cowards, afraid of the ramifications of standing up to anyone. This is a real fear and can have real consequences that may not end favorably. The Bible too speaks to this and shows often times that the justice of God may not be realized. There are many Biblical stories that do not end with, "they all lived happily ever after," like a Disney movie. Being a leader is a position of power and control, giving that control to God is hard for anyone this includes leaders as well. They feel the pressure of a family, the community and friends to look a blind eye or make justification and move on. Hoping things will work themselves out! Again the scripture says in Luke 8:16-18 NIV, "16 “No one lights a lamp and hides it in a clay jar or puts it under a bed. Instead, they put it on a stand, so that those who come in can see the light.17 For there is nothing hidden that will not be disclosed, and nothing concealed that will not be known or brought out into the open.18 Therefore consider carefully how you listen. Whoever has will be given more; whoever does not have, even what they think they have will be taken from them.”"
Going back to my original statement about not blaming the leader in this case. I think it is true they are at fault no doubt. The blame for it happening falls on leadership in this case and all cases. I see it time and time again. Leaders are not leaders if they are not willing to lead and lead effectively. Being a leader puts you in a place with many rights and all those rights come with great responsibility. This responsibility is to protect the leader and the followers. While the leader gets hurt in every instance, so do the followers. The truth is almost all of the situations could have been prevented had leadership done their job on the front side. One of the key areas I see leadership fail is structure. They don't look at the structure to ensure there are accountability and transparency being practiced regularly. Leaders just assume because there are By-Laws they must be right. Because there are policies in place they must be correct. This is where failure meets leadership in every instance. The leadership has to recognize some key things if they are going to stop history from repeating itself. First, don't allow the leader to be supreme, they have to answer to someone and on a regular basis not just in writing. They must have the ability to be fired, no matter how much blood sweat and tears they have put into the organization. In our society today we see all these corrupt people using their power to manipulate the system. They are doing so because the world's system is flawed. Stop looking to man and start looking to God. The scripture is very clear that leaders must make it hard for His anointed to stumble. So many times I read these stories and see these failings and think, what leadership allowed the Pastor to meet alone with women behind closed doors? How naive can leadership be? Obviously, very! Regardless, at the end of the day, there is nothing 100% and I get that. Though it can be close. Taking every precaution to prevent it on the front side is far better than having to deal with the ramifications on the backside. This is something I get to deal with far too often being in the midst of large scale ministry. Coming from the bowels of leadership dysfunction, I operated in a very unhealthy hope deferred environment for far too long. Seeing healthy functioning ministry is a breath of fresh air and an opportunity to help others learn from past mistakes. I hope you take the time to look at what your part of and have the strength to stand up to the Devil's opportunities at destroying it!
Blessings!
B
Monday, July 22, 2019
It is all a big lie!
Ever have someone tell you something that seems totally legit, and you believe it wholeheartedly. I mean not just like in the sense where there is a bit of skepticism, but you are like YES! That totally makes sense and sounds right! Then your whole life changes as a result and you're are making decisions based on this "new reality," and you go headlong after that reality. That is the way I feel about the church today. You see I was living my life for many years without a relationship with God, I was not an atheist, but more of an agnostic. I believed there was a God, I was just not sure of who He was, and quite honestly I felt I was better being Him. The thought that a relationship could be had was far from me, and as this became a reality in my life changed everything. One of the main things that changed was my vocational path. I started to have a passion for ministry and more importantly, for a career in ministry. Not really sure where it came from, but to be honest, my intentions were not admirable. The intentions were self-serving, I had this vision for what works in ministry would be like and as I have often told people who aspire for certain things, "be careful what you wish for" and there has never been a more accurate statement than that of working in ministry full-time.
As I continued to work in a secular environment and faithfully serve in any and every position in the church, I looked to a position in full-time ministry as a dream come true. I mean get paid to do what I was volunteering to do? Who wouldn't want this to be the case? Now I did not say you get paid well as that is typically not the case except for the top dogs. Well the call finally came and to be honest I wanted to answer on the spot, I mean come on get paid to do ministry! How appealing it was, and while I did not start in a position as a minister, it was not long that I became a minister and worked faithfully at the vocation to become a pastor. The first couple of years, I was blinded by my ambition to see the realities around me and had I not be blind. I probably would have recognized the realities early on. As time went on, I started to see the ugly realities of the people I esteemed to become. This conflict was like a sickness in me. I felt the shame of the behavior of others and took it as my own. The things I saw and took part in were beyond shameful. This was not what I expected at all, and the struggles I dealt with were not the ones I imagined. I thought I would be helping people grow in their own faith, not dimming mine? Instead, it continued to decrease my own faith to the point I started to turn from God and His word. I moved to sin as a means of numbing my reality. The truth is it was completely embraced by most of the staff and especially senior leadership, so it became quite easy as a result. The things I kept experiencing grew more significant and more prevalent over time. In the beginning, was included in the small things, and because of my immaturity and trust, I did not speak up as I should have. I was working for Eve, and I was Adam, I felt like I was justified because you know "they made me do it!" Ugh, I am embarrassed even to admit it, but the truth is what I thought "church" was going to be and what it is are no longer the same thing. Don't get me wrong the lie is not the "church" as I know there are churches out there that are making a significant impact for the kingdom of God. The lie that I believed was that inside a body of believers, the truth would cause the leaders to rise, jeopardizing their positions, and stand up to it. The truth is, we as people want to be like the racehorse in life, we want to exist with blinders on. This is not about pointing fingers because I am TOTALLY guilty of this. I did it for years and realize it is a natural tendency.
Having gone to Auschwitz and Birkenau twice, I have seen the atrocities we are capable of, and it is sobering, to say the least. That being said, many look at it and say I have no idea how a people group could allow this to happen. I too use to say that, but it was the church that taught me to see that the realization of turning a blind eye to benefit our selves is human nature. The big lie is that people who are leaders will keep the truth and be honorable at all costs. The reality is the "cost" is the key! You see, I am not saying all this to say I am not supporting the church. Quite the contrary in my current role, all I do is support the church (like 120 of them). No, what I am saying is the cost of being a person of truth must be one we all discover for ourselves. This may be through trials, regrets, or self-awareness.
Finally, I don't want to be put in this position again. Therefore, one of the ways to ensure this isn't the case is to make sure a clear line of accountability exists. This accountability must start at the top and permeates the entire organization. That accountability is not only practiced but spelled out in the By-Laws. Yes, that is right I said By-Laws if you are considering joining a church one of the things I implore you to do is ask to read their By-Laws. If you are already part of a church and curious you can ask too. If they have nothing to hide, it should not be an issue. But beware, this is usually a massive tell as to where the leadership is regarding holding its leaders accountable. Holding the leaders accountable should be very clearly spelled out in their By-Laws.
I would love to end this post with a redemptive story. How this is all rectified, that truth has come to the forefront along with accountability. Sometimes we have to face the fact that we live in a fallen world, and yes, this includes the church. You see, like I said before the "big lie" is what we allow ourselves to believe and accept. Our failure to take a stand for truth and what we know is right is something that invariably hurts others more than ourselves, which is why it is easy to keep on keeping on. I want to leave you with this quote from Abraham Lincoln that sums it up best,
"Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power."
― Abraham Lincoln
As I continued to work in a secular environment and faithfully serve in any and every position in the church, I looked to a position in full-time ministry as a dream come true. I mean get paid to do what I was volunteering to do? Who wouldn't want this to be the case? Now I did not say you get paid well as that is typically not the case except for the top dogs. Well the call finally came and to be honest I wanted to answer on the spot, I mean come on get paid to do ministry! How appealing it was, and while I did not start in a position as a minister, it was not long that I became a minister and worked faithfully at the vocation to become a pastor. The first couple of years, I was blinded by my ambition to see the realities around me and had I not be blind. I probably would have recognized the realities early on. As time went on, I started to see the ugly realities of the people I esteemed to become. This conflict was like a sickness in me. I felt the shame of the behavior of others and took it as my own. The things I saw and took part in were beyond shameful. This was not what I expected at all, and the struggles I dealt with were not the ones I imagined. I thought I would be helping people grow in their own faith, not dimming mine? Instead, it continued to decrease my own faith to the point I started to turn from God and His word. I moved to sin as a means of numbing my reality. The truth is it was completely embraced by most of the staff and especially senior leadership, so it became quite easy as a result. The things I kept experiencing grew more significant and more prevalent over time. In the beginning, was included in the small things, and because of my immaturity and trust, I did not speak up as I should have. I was working for Eve, and I was Adam, I felt like I was justified because you know "they made me do it!" Ugh, I am embarrassed even to admit it, but the truth is what I thought "church" was going to be and what it is are no longer the same thing. Don't get me wrong the lie is not the "church" as I know there are churches out there that are making a significant impact for the kingdom of God. The lie that I believed was that inside a body of believers, the truth would cause the leaders to rise, jeopardizing their positions, and stand up to it. The truth is, we as people want to be like the racehorse in life, we want to exist with blinders on. This is not about pointing fingers because I am TOTALLY guilty of this. I did it for years and realize it is a natural tendency.
Having gone to Auschwitz and Birkenau twice, I have seen the atrocities we are capable of, and it is sobering, to say the least. That being said, many look at it and say I have no idea how a people group could allow this to happen. I too use to say that, but it was the church that taught me to see that the realization of turning a blind eye to benefit our selves is human nature. The big lie is that people who are leaders will keep the truth and be honorable at all costs. The reality is the "cost" is the key! You see, I am not saying all this to say I am not supporting the church. Quite the contrary in my current role, all I do is support the church (like 120 of them). No, what I am saying is the cost of being a person of truth must be one we all discover for ourselves. This may be through trials, regrets, or self-awareness.
Finally, I don't want to be put in this position again. Therefore, one of the ways to ensure this isn't the case is to make sure a clear line of accountability exists. This accountability must start at the top and permeates the entire organization. That accountability is not only practiced but spelled out in the By-Laws. Yes, that is right I said By-Laws if you are considering joining a church one of the things I implore you to do is ask to read their By-Laws. If you are already part of a church and curious you can ask too. If they have nothing to hide, it should not be an issue. But beware, this is usually a massive tell as to where the leadership is regarding holding its leaders accountable. Holding the leaders accountable should be very clearly spelled out in their By-Laws.
I would love to end this post with a redemptive story. How this is all rectified, that truth has come to the forefront along with accountability. Sometimes we have to face the fact that we live in a fallen world, and yes, this includes the church. You see, like I said before the "big lie" is what we allow ourselves to believe and accept. Our failure to take a stand for truth and what we know is right is something that invariably hurts others more than ourselves, which is why it is easy to keep on keeping on. I want to leave you with this quote from Abraham Lincoln that sums it up best,
"Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power."
― Abraham Lincoln
Monday, July 01, 2019
Rewind
I heard it said once "that if I could rewind and take back the time" the question is would that really make the difference or impact you would want. I mean yes the old adage of if I knew then what I know now is poignant. The truth is I know as I am at the fifty-year mark of my life I see so many things I would have done differently, but if that would have any impact on where I would be today I would not have wanted to know it!
The world we live in today has turmoil, and while there is a lot of degradation, there is also a lot more good today. I am sure you have experienced people who say they are afraid for their children and grandchildren's future. I am, not at all for two reasons. The first is I trust God with their future no matter! The second is that the future looks fantastic from my perspective. I sit here in Silicon Valley and see so many working so hard to advance things and make them better. While I am not a tree hugger, I do accept we must take responsibility for our mark on this world and seeing people live with no carbon footprint is exciting to me! Honestly, if it makes the world a better place, isn't that Biblical any way? We are stewards of this world, so to deny that we have a responsibility to care for it is ignorant.
Looking back, there are many things in my life I miss, and honestly, they are almost exclusively relationships. Years ago, I would have had a lot more items and places in that list, but age changes your perspective as it should. If it hasn't, then you need to ask yourself why? The truth is there are unfortunately no guarantees in our lives that we will be able to maintain any relationships till death except marriage and even that is not 100%, though I believe it is! Keeping hold of individual relationships is not always healthy. Though comfortable, familiar, and self-affirming, we have to be sure to recognize that being dysfunctional in these relationships does more harm than the good long term.
I see a significant number of people who engage in long term relationships that continue to destroy their ability to achieve some great things in life. I also have known some people who were able to see their demise well ahead of the train wreck and get off the train. Not maliciously but in a way that honored everyone. Did some people get their feelings hurt, of course, but that is unavoidable at times. I was told once that if you're going to leave, leave well. I agree with that advice, though I don't think it is always possible to do so as I have experienced the hurts and pain that come with broken relationships. It is hard not to want to exact revenge on those that cause us pain. It is human nature to do so. That is not the answer and I don't agree with that as I see it from a Biblical perspective of God seeks to avenge not myself or any of the Marvel Characters.
Now looking back on fifty years I have to say I have some people who I am connected with that are amazing, and I look to be connected to them for the next fifty! They are men and women who I see will stand for the right things and bring me to accountability when I am not honorable. They are people who will bring me forward, not back, and help me to keep my pride and ego in check. As I see it, Jesus called us to humility and being humble in this life continually growing in a lessor direction not greater. While counterintuitive to the world and the church today, it is His words, not mine, I am not responsible for answering for His words. I am responsible for my actions and as such if I go quietly in the night and the world does not know it I am okay with that as long I know that He will say, "well done my good and faithful servant."
May you experience the blessings of great relationships in life as I believe they are what is truly important in both the here and the here after!
Tuesday, April 02, 2019
The Benefit of the Doubt
Human nature is funny, I think we all for the most part want to give people the benefit of the doubt. The problem is if that is our natural bent then we can do that and not even realize it. I was talking with a friend I use to work with and he was sharing his feelings about something and it was kinda of like that slap in the face that wakes you from a nap. It kinda shocks your system back into a state of being awake again and all of a sudden you are aware of your surroundings again. In the same way it is funny how as time goes by and you are not in a constant state of dysfunction and denial you start to give people this benefit again, even ones you know don't deserve it! As James 1:6 says, 6 But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind, I don't want to be like a wave tossed by the wind! As the saying states it is giving a benefit of the doubt, which we must understand who we give this benefit to and why! It is not something we should do lightly. Now I am not saying you should be cynical all the time, but I am saying there is truth in the saying about fool me once, fool me twice. Sometimes people have a vision for a future that is not healthy and they will do anything to take everyone along for the ride and like anything in life the ones being taken along for the ride see only how it fulfills the vision they have for their own life. They then go right along with it no matter how wrong it is and make justifications for it. It reminds me of nepotism, there is a reason why large successful companies have policies forbidding it. Yet we see it all the time and sometimes it is not even family, but friends. The problem is when the question has to be answered, the organization or family/friendship? On either side the answer is rarely family/friendship it is invariably the organization that suffers as a result. I know I am far from perfect and have a great deal to still learn, but the truth is if you are going to give the benefit of the doubt, make sure you realize what that benefit entails because it could cost the individual you are benefiting far greater than yourself. Remember to stand up for what is right no matter the cost and God will always honor it!
Wednesday, February 20, 2019
Starting over
Sunday, February 03, 2019
Hurt People, Hurt People
I have heard it said that hurt people, hurt people. While I am not going to argue the validity of that statement, I will say that I have been hurt by more prideful people then hurt people. Especially in the past year or so. You see I have come to realize that people who are prideful choose pride over character every time. Having held certain men in high regard and esteem that were supposedly wise and honorable men, I put a great deal of trust in their wisdom and friendship. Truth be told I thought of them as my family! Now on the other side, I see how I was wrong. No, this is not one of those hindsight being 20/20 things. More a realization that truly honorable men admit when they are wrong or make a mistake and most importantly APOLOGIZE! I can't tell you how important it is to own your mistakes, it is! But, that pales in comparison to seeking forgiveness. People will hurt you and you will hurt people, yes you will hurt people. When you do, don't look to defend yourself, whether you were right or wrong is not relevant. What is relevant is the feelings of the hurt person. Want to be a selfless person in life and do the right thing? BE QUICK TO SAY "I AM SORRY". Deep down none of us want to hurt others, so why are we so quick to jump to our own defense? PRIDE, yes that ugly little demon of PRIDE. Proverbs 11:2 says, 2 When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom. In all honesty, it is easy to admit messing up, true humility comes in the wisdom of seeking forgiveness. Recently, I was asked how someone could reconcile with this verse in Mathew 15, 23 “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, 24 leave your gift there in front of the altar. First, go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift. This was quite ironic because this person was supposed to be responsible for holding the individual who hurt me accountable. Now as the result of my looking for closure and healing without the reconciliation I so desired, I was being asked the one question I could not answer myself on behalf of an individual who played a role in my own hurt. I would like to say I had a clear cut definitive answer but the truth is, I do not. The struggle is real and has caused a great deal of despair and sadness at times. It has improved for the most part, but only when my thoughts are not reflecting on this. The crazy thing is I know that on their end this there is probably given little to no thought. What have I learned from all this? Be humble and apologize often and quickly. The longer you hold onto to your apology the worse it gets. Don't trust anyone, OK, I am joking, a little, though I would say that hearing someone's heart and knowing their character is important in order to trust someone. I know this too will pass and overtime healing comes, though I will always remain sad at that thought of this all.
The truth is, as crazy as it may sound, I am thankful for this pain. Because it has removed the scales of ignorance from my own eyes and allowed me to be much more sensitive and aware, seeing people as worth more than my own PRIDE!
Monday, November 15, 2010
Poland & Berlin & The End
The last few days of this trip were none stop. Friday night Marek's had a leadership meeting for not only his own church but several area leaders. Marek really has a Kingdom mentality. Below is a picture of John and Andrezj speaking to them.
The next morning Andrezj came with his two sons to meet us. The weather could be described as unseasonably warm or as I called it God's answer to my prayers. We took some pictures form the balcony of the mission's facility we stayed at. It was a beautiful facility and 4 star all the way!
We went to Jelenia Gora about a half hour into the mountains and took Andrezj's boys shopping for a treat. His oldest son wanted the C.S. Lewis book series and his youngest wanted some Legos which I have to say it was interesting to see how universal and global a company Lego really is. After this we went to the square for some authentic Polish Pizza at Pizza Hut, NOT!
Andrezj shared with us something really funny. His two boys said I looked like a cartoon character from a Polish Cartoon Show on TV. They called me Rokita this cartoon character with a really long goatee. It turns out Rokita is the Devil. So, Andrezj said that John was such a powerful man of God that he traveled with his own personal Devil. We all got a big laugh out of it.
From there we had back to the mission's facility for the men's conference. The facility has a conference room that is great with lights, sound and a projection screen. It started with about 20 minutes of praise and worship and then John started with another 20 minutes of teaching. The men took a dinner break ate and had coffee for about a half an hour. It was then turned over to me and I spoke for about an hour though I was only suppose to speak for 45 minutes. I found that if you are speaking through an interpreter it takes twice as long. My interpreter Pitor was a great guy and his English was better than mine! He was an English teacher and also running for Office in the City Council. I really pray he gets it he is a great man and is blessed with an amazing family.
After the meeting I met a Pastor name Yonik from another Church in a town close by. He came up and shared with me that his wife's maiden name is Maciaszek. He also shared that her father's name is Stanislow Maciaszek the same as my grandfather. It was very cool here is picture with Yonik and John teaching.
The next morning we went to Marek's Church. John dedicated Andrezj's three month old daughter. Then I was able to share a short message then speak about Reimage Church. I finished with sharing a little about my family and showing them a picture. I have done this twice now and it I always get the same thing which is pretty cool, that I am not old enough to have children as old as I do. John really enjoyed playing this up!
Here is John and there young church the building is only 400 years old or as they say in Poland "New Construction" Ha!
After the service we went to the basement for cake to celebrate an anniversary of one of the members. We then went to lunch with Marek's family and some of the church staff. We then went to pack up and leave for the drive to Berlin. Our drive to Berlin was about 4 hours with a few stops. We went to dinner and then crashed to get to the airport in the morning. Things really couldn't have gone better we checked in, got a Starbucks then boarded the plane. Unfortunately the flight back is into the Jet Stream so it is almost ten hours to NY. With our flight getting into Raleigh at 5p we should be home by 8a. I really curious to see how work goes in the am.
I have to say I really forgot how much I enjoyed traveling. Experiencing different cultures is a real learning experience. I would not be opposed to doing this again that is for sure.
Well I will be posting a few videos soon, after I get a chance to edit them.
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The next morning Andrezj came with his two sons to meet us. The weather could be described as unseasonably warm or as I called it God's answer to my prayers. We took some pictures form the balcony of the mission's facility we stayed at. It was a beautiful facility and 4 star all the way!
We went to Jelenia Gora about a half hour into the mountains and took Andrezj's boys shopping for a treat. His oldest son wanted the C.S. Lewis book series and his youngest wanted some Legos which I have to say it was interesting to see how universal and global a company Lego really is. After this we went to the square for some authentic Polish Pizza at Pizza Hut, NOT!
Andrezj shared with us something really funny. His two boys said I looked like a cartoon character from a Polish Cartoon Show on TV. They called me Rokita this cartoon character with a really long goatee. It turns out Rokita is the Devil. So, Andrezj said that John was such a powerful man of God that he traveled with his own personal Devil. We all got a big laugh out of it.
From there we had back to the mission's facility for the men's conference. The facility has a conference room that is great with lights, sound and a projection screen. It started with about 20 minutes of praise and worship and then John started with another 20 minutes of teaching. The men took a dinner break ate and had coffee for about a half an hour. It was then turned over to me and I spoke for about an hour though I was only suppose to speak for 45 minutes. I found that if you are speaking through an interpreter it takes twice as long. My interpreter Pitor was a great guy and his English was better than mine! He was an English teacher and also running for Office in the City Council. I really pray he gets it he is a great man and is blessed with an amazing family.
After the meeting I met a Pastor name Yonik from another Church in a town close by. He came up and shared with me that his wife's maiden name is Maciaszek. He also shared that her father's name is Stanislow Maciaszek the same as my grandfather. It was very cool here is picture with Yonik and John teaching.
The next morning we went to Marek's Church. John dedicated Andrezj's three month old daughter. Then I was able to share a short message then speak about Reimage Church. I finished with sharing a little about my family and showing them a picture. I have done this twice now and it I always get the same thing which is pretty cool, that I am not old enough to have children as old as I do. John really enjoyed playing this up!
Here is John and there young church the building is only 400 years old or as they say in Poland "New Construction" Ha!
After the service we went to the basement for cake to celebrate an anniversary of one of the members. We then went to lunch with Marek's family and some of the church staff. We then went to pack up and leave for the drive to Berlin. Our drive to Berlin was about 4 hours with a few stops. We went to dinner and then crashed to get to the airport in the morning. Things really couldn't have gone better we checked in, got a Starbucks then boarded the plane. Unfortunately the flight back is into the Jet Stream so it is almost ten hours to NY. With our flight getting into Raleigh at 5p we should be home by 8a. I really curious to see how work goes in the am.
I have to say I really forgot how much I enjoyed traveling. Experiencing different cultures is a real learning experience. I would not be opposed to doing this again that is for sure.
Well I will be posting a few videos soon, after I get a chance to edit them.
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Friday, November 12, 2010
My day starts at 1AM
I struggle to grasp the fact that while it is 7a in my present world, it is 1am at my home. The days are short when you relate them to daylight, due mainly to the fact that come 3:30p here the sun starts to set and by 4p it is pretty much dusk and completely dark by 4;30-5p. I have been blessed to meet some amazing people who have endured oppression some of us would be unable to comprehend. If anyone is to glorify communism come to a country affected by it and you will see not only how it ravages the ascetics of the cities, but more importantly how it ravages the minds of its inhabitants. The strength of God's Word and Spirit is the only thing to overcome such strongholds.
Today we started off here in Gryfów with a breakfast with Andrezj the Administrator for the local Church here and John's spiritual son. We then left for Wrocław Poland. There we met with a local pastor for coffee and reminiscing with John it is quite a special time for us all. The city is amazing here are some pictures from our visit.
This evening we met with the leaders at this church and John really brought a message that was inspiring and challenging. He really has left me in amazement with his ability not only preach but preach through an interpreter.
The day has been another whirlwind and it is hard to believe it is already 11p at night. Driving here is exhausting alone not to mention the affects of traveling. I received some not so good news today at home and it too has caused me to struggle with my emotions. I will continue to press in to the things of God as it is the only thing I know to do. Until tomorrow...
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Today we started off here in Gryfów with a breakfast with Andrezj the Administrator for the local Church here and John's spiritual son. We then left for Wrocław Poland. There we met with a local pastor for coffee and reminiscing with John it is quite a special time for us all. The city is amazing here are some pictures from our visit.
This evening we met with the leaders at this church and John really brought a message that was inspiring and challenging. He really has left me in amazement with his ability not only preach but preach through an interpreter.
The day has been another whirlwind and it is hard to believe it is already 11p at night. Driving here is exhausting alone not to mention the affects of traveling. I received some not so good news today at home and it too has caused me to struggle with my emotions. I will continue to press in to the things of God as it is the only thing I know to do. Until tomorrow...
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Location:360,,Poland
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Getting Caught Up and Krakow
Well I have to say keeping up with a 60+ year old man should sound easy but if that man is the "The Pope" John Daigle it is not! He has the energy of a teenager and I hope to be that robust at his age.
Above are some photos from the square which was recently redone and is beautiful. Below is the performance hall where plays and musical performances as done, Oskar plays here tomorrow.
We left yesterday morning for Krakow and stopped at Auschwitz and Birkenau and to say it was sobering is an understatement. I learned a great deal and saw things that will be etched in my brain forever. Below are pictures from our visit. When we went in the Poland building we actually found two Maciaszek's my unlce was actually named Boleslaw so it was very erie to see his name.
Seeing the train entrance to Birkenau was surreal as I remember it so vividly from Schindler's List.
When we arrived at Krakow it was night were able to see the square which is massive and beautiful. Here are some pictures of the square at night.
The next morning we woke up and went to the Castle which was beyond belief the architecture was amazing here are a few shots of the outside and in.
After this we met up with Wojeich a local pastor and historian who gave as a tour and it was great he really shared some insights we would not have got otherwise. Below is a few pics from our insiders tour.
Finally, we ended the tour with a trip on a high note when Wojeich surprised me with a little taste of home! Very Cool.
YES STARBUCKS IN POLAND!
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Above are some photos from the square which was recently redone and is beautiful. Below is the performance hall where plays and musical performances as done, Oskar plays here tomorrow.
We left yesterday morning for Krakow and stopped at Auschwitz and Birkenau and to say it was sobering is an understatement. I learned a great deal and saw things that will be etched in my brain forever. Below are pictures from our visit. When we went in the Poland building we actually found two Maciaszek's my unlce was actually named Boleslaw so it was very erie to see his name.
Seeing the train entrance to Birkenau was surreal as I remember it so vividly from Schindler's List.
When we arrived at Krakow it was night were able to see the square which is massive and beautiful. Here are some pictures of the square at night.
The next morning we woke up and went to the Castle which was beyond belief the architecture was amazing here are a few shots of the outside and in.
After this we met up with Wojeich a local pastor and historian who gave as a tour and it was great he really shared some insights we would not have got otherwise. Below is a few pics from our insiders tour.
Finally, we ended the tour with a trip on a high note when Wojeich surprised me with a little taste of home! Very Cool.
YES STARBUCKS IN POLAND!
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Location:Złotoryjska,Legnica,Poland
Sunday, November 07, 2010
dzień drugi Poland Day Two
Well today I feel much better minus a severe migraine this morning from not having my prescription when they lost my luggage. I started the service today in Church and was well received. It was hard to speak through an interpreter and just when I got comfortable I ended, I wanted to finish on a high note! John spoke for over an hour but with interpreter it is like a half hour. Here is a picture of him with Beata she is a University Professor who teaches English.
I recorded the entire sermon on Video they both did an amazing job. Today was again very productive we went from Church to a lunch meeting then took a short nap we then met with the Elders from the Church and really had some purposeful conversation John was very challenging and again the response was very positive. We have been welcomed into Zbyszek's home just like family I really enjoy his company and his entire family is such a blessing to be around. His heart is so for God's will it is encouraging to speak with him. This is me with his family.
A crazy story Zbyszek was showing a polish ancestry site where he traced his family tree on it he had a cousin from another area of Poland he found on this site. As he was showing me pictures we came to a photo at a wedding reception with his cousin and a man posing very friendly. We noticed the mans name was Jzork Maciaszek. So, now the standing joke is that Zbyszek and I are cousins. It is a small world. I was asked if I was still on the Paleo diet by someone and for the most part I am. I am tasting some things but I am trying to stay true to it as much as I can to avoid the Acid Reflux issues I am plagued with and it seems to be working still. I would not travel 5000 miles and not try a taste of a real Polish cake, RIGHT? We continue to see God move here in the people I am really amazed at how he is moving through us and allowing us to help. The worst part of all of this is just missing my amazing and supportive wife, then of course my children and friends. Your prayers are felt and greatly appreciated. God Bless and Keep you al! Thanks!
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I recorded the entire sermon on Video they both did an amazing job. Today was again very productive we went from Church to a lunch meeting then took a short nap we then met with the Elders from the Church and really had some purposeful conversation John was very challenging and again the response was very positive. We have been welcomed into Zbyszek's home just like family I really enjoy his company and his entire family is such a blessing to be around. His heart is so for God's will it is encouraging to speak with him. This is me with his family.
A crazy story Zbyszek was showing a polish ancestry site where he traced his family tree on it he had a cousin from another area of Poland he found on this site. As he was showing me pictures we came to a photo at a wedding reception with his cousin and a man posing very friendly. We noticed the mans name was Jzork Maciaszek. So, now the standing joke is that Zbyszek and I are cousins. It is a small world. I was asked if I was still on the Paleo diet by someone and for the most part I am. I am tasting some things but I am trying to stay true to it as much as I can to avoid the Acid Reflux issues I am plagued with and it seems to be working still. I would not travel 5000 miles and not try a taste of a real Polish cake, RIGHT? We continue to see God move here in the people I am really amazed at how he is moving through us and allowing us to help. The worst part of all of this is just missing my amazing and supportive wife, then of course my children and friends. Your prayers are felt and greatly appreciated. God Bless and Keep you al! Thanks!
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Saturday, November 06, 2010
Poland part jeden i dwa
It has been an amazing 24+ hours I had a whirlwind flight and due to delays in Raleigh the airline failed to get my luggage to me. I had to got to Auchan(Polish Walmart) and buy essentials to get me through. My experience with Germans left a little to be desired as the lost baggage guy would only speak English when I asked him too which was difficult after each sentence. Fortunately Rheney is from Austria and is fluent in German he called and figured out my luggage would see more of Europe than me as it went from NY to UK to Munich then to Wroclaw Poland where we drove over an hour from Legnica to pick up. We had a great time with Reini and his wife making them American Breakfast with Bacon and Eggs this is a picture with John.
We had a great time teaching at the mens meeting tonight. Everyone has been so amazing here I really have seen that the heart is what is important and man do they have heart here. You can really see they have come from a lot of oppression yet they persevere it is encouraging. It is now 12:30a and John is making me speak so I need to get some rest. I will close with a picture of him giving me some of his divine tutoring.
Chaio!
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We had a great time teaching at the mens meeting tonight. Everyone has been so amazing here I really have seen that the heart is what is important and man do they have heart here. You can really see they have come from a lot of oppression yet they persevere it is encouraging. It is now 12:30a and John is making me speak so I need to get some rest. I will close with a picture of him giving me some of his divine tutoring.
Chaio!
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Sunday, September 19, 2010
Learning to live
Today was a great day and a great weekend. I was able to go to Raleigh and spend the night in an 5 star hotel at a 1 star price, I looked at cars I would want to buy just couldn't bear to part with the money to buy and I sucked it up and had afternoon tea with my wife in a Tea Room in downtown Wake Forest. I also had a conversation with someone who showed me that while nice things are nice, they are no replacement for real living. Real living to me is about healthy relationships, doing healthy things and enjoying them both to the fullest.
I haven't always been the best friend, best son, best father or best husband and I don't think I am there yet either. But if I have learned one thing that I am working toward it is being there. Rudy Juliani said to me last week that he could miss a wedding, but he would never miss a funeral because it is important to be there in times of need. While I agree with the later I disagree with the former. You should be there for both and the in between.
Never will we say we wished we finished a TPS report or earned an extra bonus, we always will say I wish I could talk to him or her one last time. I lost a young Uncle this year in a very tragic and heart breaking way. I called him after his death and left him a message not knowing he had already passed, I really wished I could have actually talked to him one last time. The only gratification I have is that I did call. The point is don't wait another minute to make a relationship right or check up on someone you love cause in the end you are not going to care if you are right or wrong or who's fault it was, you are only going to cherish the time you spent together as friends or family. Control you to make life the best it can be and it will be the best it should.
I haven't always been the best friend, best son, best father or best husband and I don't think I am there yet either. But if I have learned one thing that I am working toward it is being there. Rudy Juliani said to me last week that he could miss a wedding, but he would never miss a funeral because it is important to be there in times of need. While I agree with the later I disagree with the former. You should be there for both and the in between.
Never will we say we wished we finished a TPS report or earned an extra bonus, we always will say I wish I could talk to him or her one last time. I lost a young Uncle this year in a very tragic and heart breaking way. I called him after his death and left him a message not knowing he had already passed, I really wished I could have actually talked to him one last time. The only gratification I have is that I did call. The point is don't wait another minute to make a relationship right or check up on someone you love cause in the end you are not going to care if you are right or wrong or who's fault it was, you are only going to cherish the time you spent together as friends or family. Control you to make life the best it can be and it will be the best it should.
Tuesday, September 07, 2010
Now I have four days?
Isn't funny that even though we only have four days to work due to Labor day the week still goes on? I mean what would happen if every week was a three day weekend? Or for that matter a four or five day weekend? Would it cause efficiency to go down or productivity to go up? I read about Best Buy's Corp. Office removing restrictions to when and where people work to getting the job down in a specific amount of time and there productivity going up 20%. So the real question is do we work from 9 to 5 or 8 to 4 or 7 to 7 to be productive or to produce an image of being productive? The older I get the more I see it as the later, especially in an office environment. We have to be open from 8 to 5 because people expect us too?
Wednesday, September 01, 2010
The Problem With The World Today!
I read this article and it dawned on me this is a prime example of what is wrong with this country. I mean I can't even say Really? It is just implied!
Lawsuit Alleges Failure to Warn That Nipple Jumpstart Might Be Dangerous
Seriously, people. Really?
Last March, Kyle Dubois, 18, put an alligator clamp on one of his nipples, with a classmate placing the clamp on his other nipple, while a third classmate plugged the cord into the wall. ... Dubois's parents say [Kyle's teacher, Thomas] Kelley failed to warn the class about the dangers of playing with the electrical cords.
The lawsuit also alleges that Kelley encouraged the boy to administer the shock - which temporarily stopped his heart - by offering him a Mountain Dew. Kelley denied the Dew allegations, but has since resigned.
Eighteen-year-olds in this country are considered legally competent to vote or join the military, and if they are competent to make those decisions they do not need to be warned about this. In fact, I would go so far as to say that no one of any age should require a warning about the effect of putting alligator clamps on one's nipples, whether or not they are then to be electrified. I look forward to having this rule enshrined in American jurisprudence.
Nor am I buying the Mountain-Dew-enticement allegations. What would that thought process have been? "Sure, running 120 volts through my chest sounds dangerous, but hey -- free Mountain Dew."
Lawsuit Alleges Failure to Warn That Nipple Jumpstart Might Be Dangerous
Seriously, people. Really?
Last March, Kyle Dubois, 18, put an alligator clamp on one of his nipples, with a classmate placing the clamp on his other nipple, while a third classmate plugged the cord into the wall. ... Dubois's parents say [Kyle's teacher, Thomas] Kelley failed to warn the class about the dangers of playing with the electrical cords.
The lawsuit also alleges that Kelley encouraged the boy to administer the shock - which temporarily stopped his heart - by offering him a Mountain Dew. Kelley denied the Dew allegations, but has since resigned.
Eighteen-year-olds in this country are considered legally competent to vote or join the military, and if they are competent to make those decisions they do not need to be warned about this. In fact, I would go so far as to say that no one of any age should require a warning about the effect of putting alligator clamps on one's nipples, whether or not they are then to be electrified. I look forward to having this rule enshrined in American jurisprudence.
Nor am I buying the Mountain-Dew-enticement allegations. What would that thought process have been? "Sure, running 120 volts through my chest sounds dangerous, but hey -- free Mountain Dew."
In Da Face!
I use to run every day until my accident and after knee surgery I tried again to no avail. That said I use to hate one thing about running and that was STRETCHING. I don't know whether it was the effeminate feel I got or the hassle of doing it. That said I just read this article and I feel better even though I don't run anymore. I know kinda pathetic.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Vintage Social Media
OK, it may not be vintage now. But one day you will say "Remember when we use to Skype?" and the real question is what replaces Skype, Facebook, Twitter, YouTube?
Sunday, August 29, 2010
The reason I'm gewd
Now I know many times it is easy to gloat on your spouse. That said as I gaze at my beautiful bride, who btw has grown more and more B u tiful with age, I realize that all that is GEWD in my life in the past 15 years has come as a result of my relationship with Ra. When I look upon her she makes me do something that no one else can make me do just by looking at them, Smile! I love you!
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La la la la la
I use to stay out to the weeeee hours of da am and not think twice about it. Its now haLf past the eighth hour at night and I am not sure if it is the heat or da loud Rap music but my pillow is calling my name. Atleast till da caffeine Kix in....
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- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Location:Victory Ln,Winterville,United States
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Social Networking Etiquette?
I am wondering what proper social network etiquette is? I was recently notified of a death via an event invitation via Facebook for someone's memorial service and I have to say I really thought this was in poor taste? I talk to a few others who were really not as bothered by it as I? I started to question myself as to wether I was being over zealous or not? I would be interested your thoughts?
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